about being comfortable in my own skin

Hello my name is Fellita and one of the questions people had asked me, I often heard 'why don't you act like a girl?'. At first I just shrugged it off because slightly I was feeling good about not being the same as most girls. But lately when the question was asked to me, I felt weirdly low-key hurt. I mean what makes a person a girl? Why am I not acting like a girl enough?

I do have a foul mouth (but I'm trying to fix it, I know it's not good and I'm still working on it, I swear a lot, dammit! oops...), I speak my emotion freely without really filtering when I think I'm talking with someone I 'know'. And some conversations actually led to a more uncomfortable situation because eventually the other party didn't take my words good. I admit it, I was at fault. Swearing is bad. But then someone actually said to me 'how can a girl said such vulgar things like you'. I am sorry but why can't a girl say such vulgar things. Does that mean those male species got to say vulgar things? I don't know if I am making such a big deal over this, but I was kinda pissed at that time. It was like I was saying inappropriate things in public space but only to be pointed out because I am a girl, then the others could slide off from the spotlight because they are not. Well, even though they said more awful things. Oh boy...

I don't wear make up. I don't like how it feels on my skin. And no, I don't have a face that's passed the beauty standard in society. I don't have a great skin either. I am not pretty, definitely don't have unique features. I simply love the way I look, bare skin, exposed to pollution. I have acne and I will get those until I turn to 27 more or less and yes it is normal, biologically normal, means can be monitored and proved by science. And I don't want to cover them up with make up. Just like how there are people who paint and who aren't, I decide not to paint on my face.

I don't just smile on a picture. I sometimes make silly faces. Actually I don't really have that much 'pretty' photos of myself (partly maybe because people around me just can't take a good picture, only me! ONLY ME WHO CAN TAKES GOOD PICTURES ACTUALLY! PEOPLE?!). But yeah, I don't really pose prettily. As one of my favorite model Molly Bair said, "If you have people take picture of you, don't just smile. Like do something weird. Like why not. You have the attention."

Last, I just simply hate to dress prettily. I like to dress the way I am comfortable, the way I think is cool. I don't like the idea of beauty is pain. Why can't you be a healthy looking, vibe maybe, beauty? Being me in my skin is all that I need. But why can't people stop complaining about my certain act or the way I present myself?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

But I don't care.